TLC’s Prisoner of Azkaban Sweepstakes Winners!
Dec 01, 2004
At long last, we are proud to announce the winners of our Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban sweepstakes!
Thirty-five people – less than .5 percent of entrants – will receive prizes for their creativity, ingenuity, wit and charm in answering to our challenge to pick one Harry Potter character and write about his or her fate in the books. We were amazed at the level of talent that came through this contest, and these were really hard choices. We picked those that made us chuckle, made us think, made us re-imagine canon, and just made us smile. Staffers narrowed down the entries, and then voted from over 200 finalists. We can tell you that many people want to see Arthur as Minister of Magic, the fans have pondered every romantic couple imaginable, Neville has a band of stouthearted and adoring supporters (as he should), and Harry, to paraphrase one winner, is absolutely the man.
Our grand prize winner is 15-year-old Angela Wyse, of Tecumseh, MI, whose Sorting Hat song (one of many) got Best in Show for its style, comedy (not a necessity but a recurring theme in our favorites), imagination, and Neville. It is the only entry to be voted for by all five editors (all winning entries got at least two out of five votes, most three), and as such wins Trelawney’s Divination Tea Set – and is featured below. For the rest of the winners and their prizes, click the link underneath! And congrats to all!
You can keep your lengthy theories,
You can watch your crystal ball,
But listen close to someone worthy –
The Sorting Hat knows all.
Some say that Harry will die,
And Darkness take over the world.
Others claim Draco’s for Herm,
Or that Ron is secretly a girl.
Now, I’ve heard all the ideas
That excited fans send around,
But I am here to tell you,
That none of them are sound.
I can say, for instance, that Harry’s safe,
And the Light Side will prevail.
Hermione is meant for Ron,
Who is, most certainly, male.
Do you desire something more specific?
If you wish, I could relate
A most amusing and ironic tale;
The tale of Draco’s fate.
In the summer after fifth year,
As he goes to buy a new broom,
Draco will stop in The Leaky Cauldron
In order to use the restroom.
While he hurries to the stall,
He’ll leave sitting on the sink
His most recent purchase:
His butterbeer drink.
Just after he is out of sight,
In behind him will come
The boy that trouble always follows —
Poor Neville Longbottom.
Neville will have in his hand
A butterbeer bottle, too.
But instead of its rightful contents,
It shall contain a powerful brew.
You see, Neville will have just returned
From summer Potions study,
Having made a potent tonic
To erase the memory of somebody.
Without thinking, he’ll set the bottle
On the sink right beside its twin,
And when, soon after, Draco emerges
He’ll grab the bottle the potion’s in.
With a quick gulp and a bizarre moment,
Draco’s memories will quickly wane
And absent-mindedly, he will wander
Through the door to the Muggle lane.
In Muggle London he will meander
‘Til a hobo teaches him her ways.
And on the streets, Draco will beg
Until the end of his days.
size=”+2″>First Place (4 entries): Wins Time Turner
Trish Bower, 38
I’m the sorting hat and I’d like to sing a song
About the things that I can do as your story moves along.
In the past I’ve been useful in sorting out the houses
(And keeping Godric’s favorites from those slimy Slytherin louses!)
You’ve even had me show up with the phoenix and the tool
To help young Harry save the day and not end up Tom’s fool.
But now the battle’s heating up, and I won’t be left behind!L
There’s something I can do before your final book’s been signed!
My suggestion is a small one, but important, you’ll agree –
For you know that the Enemy won’t be expecting *me*.
In the heat of battle, just when things are getting scary,
And one last time Voldemort has dark designs on Harry,
He’ll raise his wand in anger, his mind upon his hex…
And all will wait with bated breath, for fear of what comes next…
When suddenly, from up above, this Hat falls on his head –
His aim is off – he’s cursed himself – and BOOM, the Dark Lord’s dead!
It’s another Sorting Hat song but more importantly it’s clever,
well-written and contains fate for our stout and well-intentioned hat.
Renee Kunkel, 30
Dear Ms. Rowling,
I would appreciate it if you could write an interesting story line for me. I
am tired of getting lost. Perhaps I could be responsible for leading Neville
out of a dangerous bog. Or I could be a rare kind of toad that secretes a befuddlement
liquid and when this is discovered Neville begins to wear gloves when holding
me and his memory gets so much better that he becomes smarter than Hermione. Then
he remembers something that helps Harry defeat Voldemort and everyone says that
it is all because of me!
Trevor the Toad
Poor Trevor, always getting lost. Well, not here!
Anne Austin, 19
After Voldemort’s defeat, news will spread quickly around the wizarding
world of Sibyll Trelawney’s prophecy surrounding Harry Potter and the Dark Lord.
She will become a celebrated Seer and write several books, including “Death
Omens: Foreseeing Your End (and Everyone Else’s)” and “Tea Time with
Sybill: Your Fate is in Your Cup.” Wizards from far and wide will seek
Sibyll’s predictions and even the International Federation of Wizards will request
her guidance. But, alas, this will be her downfall, for when Sibyll predicts
the entire Muggle world’s discovery of the magical community, she will be shunned
from all wizarding society. Little did they know that this will be the third
and last true prediction Sibyll will ever make, owing her unfortunate banishment
to the nosy reporting of one J.K. Rowling. Sibyll will spend her final years
in the Muggle world, running her own psychic hotline. You’ll be able to find
her at 1-800-CALL-SIB. She or one of her ten representatives will attend to
your Divining needs for the affordable rate of $4.99/minute.
Sibyll Trelawney, the new Miss Cleo? Irresistible.
Mikah Crim, 17
After the seventh book, in which the giant squid defeats Voldemort
(using only a cotton candy machine, a piece of string, a squirrel, and a megaphone),
he will leave Hogwarts, get a tattoo, and proceed to form a rock band with several
other giant animals (including Nagini). The band will be named ‘The Rubber Band’,
and they will tour the world, spreading joy throughout the land with their colorful
music (a mix of polka, mamba, and rock), and creating a sensation in clubs by
showing everyone a new way to river dance. If you really do read this Mrs. Rowling,
let me tell you that you’re the coolest woman ever. And that Harry is the man.
Harry is indeed the man.
size=”+2″>Second Place (7 entries): Wins Costume Hat
HJ Powers, 25
Ms. Rowling, I am surely quite concerned
despite the most endearing entrance writ
of Dennis Creevey, little have we learned
I yearn for more of this wee charming Brit.
In books to come, will Dennis still be part
of students forming Army Dumbledore
his courage pluck’d, remaining stout of heart
as wizards of the world confront the war?
Experience with animals might lend
to working to assist our dear Hagrid
together they could help the Order tend
alliance with the mighty giant squid
However you might write it, I do wish
that he’d become an animagus fish
This one charmed us by championing – in such rhythmic terms – the
darling little Dennis. And the animagus fish concept is interesting; here’s
hoping he always remembers to transform in the bath. (Prize: Sorting Hat)
Aneeka Kotecha, 17
There once was a young man named Bill
Who was certainly wild until
He got down on one knee
Fleur replied, “Oui! Oui Oui!”
And they lived in a house on a hill.
Oui agree! (Prize: Dumbledore’s Tasseled Cap)
Dorothy Bayern, 18
Blaise Zabini forms a Lesbian, Gay, and Morphosexual association at
Hogwarts, Sexual Minorities Interhouse League for Equality (SMILE). The illustrious
Slytherin will graduate to become the first ambiguously gendered Senior Undersecretary
to the Minister.
We found this a terrific integration of fandom scrutiny and canon
specificity! In other words: Funny! (Prize: McGonagall’s Tartan Hat)
Maureen Dacey, 53
Sandy Hook, CT
Less is more, indeed! (Prize: Dumbledore’s Wizard
Harry Potter: Harry will travel in a Time Machine to the 21st Century;
lose his magical ways in a time warp. He will become a regular 9-5 guy, commuting
from the suburbs, grow a paunch, start balding, get thicker glasses, and think
of what might have been.
This one gets the prize for funniest mental image. (Prize: Dumbledore’s Wizard
Benedicte Klinkenberg, 33
Who will live? Who will die? Only thing we know for sure: Fawkes will
An excellent deduction! (Prize: McGonagall’s Witch Hat)
Alison Johannes, 22
With his great heart and sensitive nature, I think that Remus Lupin
will open a group home for werewolves. This safe-haven will feature support
groups, career planning designed to place them in jobs where they can help make
a difference, and research to stay up to date with the latest potions and methods
of healing for the betterment of their lives. He’ll establish the AWR for the
Awareness of Werewolf Rights. Along with his chief advisor at the AWR, Hermione
Granger, he strives for equal rights for all werewolves, so that they can live
in a society that doesn’t fear them. He and Ms. Granger are planning to embark
on a countrywide peace tour to speak about the rights of all creatures.
A few Remus conjectures were in the running but this one stole our
hearts. (Prize: McGonagall’s Witch Hat)
size=”+2″>Third Place (3 entries): Wins Red “Potter” T-Shirt
Julie Holmes, 34
Pansy Parkinson: If one Slytherin were to be redeemed, I would favour
Pansy; her family name is not listed in association with the Death Eaters, nor
was she present in Umbridge’s office when Harry, Ginny, Neville, Luna, etc were
held captive by the Slytherins/Inquisitorial Squad. Redemption is complicated;
thus, I will not say that Pansy will not always be a horrid person in general.
But it’s possible — I’ve done it myself. *blows kiss* LOVE YOU JKR!
We liked this one for the hope found within – and the author’s daring
Cornelia Remi, 29
Arthur & Molly Weasley (count as 1, see following arguments) will be appointed
joint Ministers of Magic in the end. Not only because this office is in desperate
need of some Arthurian dignity and the wizard world will need some mollifying
after all the horrors it experienced. But because a couple that (a) can raise
a whole Quidditch flock of children, (b) knows the qualities of both wizards
and muggles, and (c) can run a household of nine on a minimal budget simply
has most of the leadership qualifications necessary for a political career.
The best argument we’ve heard!
Julie Sawka, 25
I think that Colin Creevey will write a semi-factual, unauthorized biography
of Harry Potter entitled “Harry & Me”. It will quickly become
a bestseller in spite of–or possibly because of-Harry’s well-publicized denouncement
of the book. Following its publication, many people will come to believe that
Colin, not Ron, is Harry’s best friend.
We had a feeling J.K. Rowling would identify with this entry…
size=”+2″>Fourth size=”+2″>Place (6 entries): Wins Quidditch
Gypsy-Maria Lorimer, 20
I think Nymphadora Tonks will be the next Defense Against the Dark
Arts professor. For one thing, she is an Auror, and would have extensive experience
in dealing with the dark arts. For another, it would be hilarious to see her
trying to teach a class. “‘And THAT is how the Dreadful Draught of Despair
became one of the first potions banned by the Ministry, followed shortly by
love potions and, at least for public use, veratiserum.” As Professor Tonks
swept her arms out empatically, she knocked over several of the large vials of purple potion, which
crashed magnificently to the ground. A violet steam rose up from the floor,
taking the shapes of nightmarish creatures before dissipating into the air.
As Tonks turned bright red and inconspicuously kicked some broken glass under
the podium, she glanced over at Harry and smiled nervously, as if to ask, ‘How
am I doing?’ Harry could only stare helplessly in reply as the class erupted
Our favorite Tonks-related entry.
Scott Hurst, 17
Gregory Goyle– he will grow up and write “Wizardry for Dummies!”
Prompting Malfoy to say, “I didn’t know you could write.”
Joyce O’Quinn, 36
Percy Weasley: After the shakeup at the Ministry, Percy is shunted
to the Ministry Maintenance and Facilities Department where he is Assistant
Stock boy in charge of memo paper supply. His hard work and innovation with
better wing designs leads to his promotion to Chief stock boy – in charge of
all office supplies, when he realizes how lucrative his position could be. Now
he no longer aspires to Minister, his sights are set on a more powerful office,
Ministry Maintenance and Facilities, Office of Locks and Keys. However, gaining
that position leaves him a ripe victim for Lord Voldemort – and Percy is no
So he’d be in charge of those paper-airplane memos, then.
Jennifer Nicklin, 22
Ms. Rowling, in your marvelous books, you have written many twists
and turns based on certain characters secretly being Animagi. Well, I would
like to predict one more – Minister of Magic Fudge will reveal himself to be
a Jellyfish Animagi (unless, of course, he is just naturally that spineless.)
The question is, is there currently a difference?
Tom Dryden, 20
Draco – It is, is it not, all an elaborate ruse? You are, of course,
only making us THINK you will never flesh him out or credit him with any humanity
– but there’s more to him, isn’t there? Apples never fall far from the tree,
but sons often rally against their parents. Liberation from the constrainst
of pureblood snobbery! Afford Draco an epiphany!
Hey, he has money, he can afford his own epiphany. This entry
represents many with the same wishes.
Marcelle Shreve, 25
New Orleans, LA
Norbert will remember his mummy and come “home”
to Hogwarts and be a major factor in the demise of Voldemort in the Second War.
Norbert as a savior – we hope so, too.
size=”+2″>Fifth size=”+2″>Place (5 entries): Wins Grey Dementor
T-Shirt and Lego package
Clare Overton Lewis, 31
Ahh! Revelations of the future, that calls for assistance from an expert.
Starts channelling Professor Trelawney. Sweeps hands dramatically over crystal
ball. The fog is clearing! Moves away from boiling kettle and wipes
glasses. Ms Rowling, here is my prediction of future revelations about
your friend Neville Longbottom. Ooh, Neville’s future looks very dark.
He seems to looking for something, is it a crystal ball? No, it’s his
Remembrall, he’s forgotten where he left it. In his past I see he was
hit by a memory charm. Poor child, no wonder he is so clumsy. Just as well he
has that long living animagus toad of his, Trevor, looking out for him. Peers
intently into crystal ball. In the future I see love for Neville, an inebriated
house elf called Winky. She is approaching him with an apple pie. Did I say
love? I meant lunch!
Both love and lunch for Neville are welcome in our book.
Andrew Orcutt, 29
Sirius Black will return as a creative consultant to Fred and George
Weasley in their pursuit to develop a vanishing cream to be used on Snape’s
hair, rendering him bald, revealing a birthmark in the shape of an Abraxan’s
rear end. Confirming to everyone that Snape is, in fact, a butthead.
Jo, if there was an argument to be had for bringing Sirius back,
this is surely it.
Katie Black, 23
The Flying Ford Anglia returns during the summer between books 6 and
7. Having spent several years in the Forbidden Forest, the Ford becomes lonely,
and misses Arthur Weasley, the wizard who so lovingly restored her to her youth.
Upon the car’s return to the Burrow, Arthur (who is now the Minister of Magic,
and has plenty of money to spend on projects) vows to never let his children
drive the car again, and immediately goes to work with repairs, new paint, and
a few extra features that will come in handy in the last book. Molly is none
too happy about the car’s return, and the two vie for Arthur’s attentions. Near
the end of book 7, the Ford is forced to save Molly from certian doom, and the
two reconcile, each understanding the other’s place in Arthur’s heart.
The most interesting love triangle we found in these entries (and
don’t think there weren’t galloping hordes of them) – Arthur, Molly and the
Dear Jo – As a cat lover, I’d like to suggest the following sub-plot.
Crookshanks strikes up an unlikely but strangely fulfilling relationship with
Mrs. Norris by the end of Book 6. She finally feels she’s met her familiar equal
– really, there’s no point trying to get along with owls or frogs – and he finally
feels…. well, how many
other female cats do you see around Hogwarts? A stud’s gotta do what a stud’s
gotta do. It won’t take long for the pitter-patter of tiny kitten feet to be
heard throughout Hogwarts and, much to the caretaker’s dismay, the offspring
refuse to organize themselves into “Filch’s Army.”
This one just pitter-pattered on our funny bones.
Ryan Williams, 20
Behind the veil, Sirius Black goes on trial for his afterlife. His
earthly actions are debated by James Potter for the Defence and Lily Potter,
still convinced Sirius had a hand in her death, for the Prosecution. He is sentenced
to community service as a portrait in an Apparator’s Education classroom where
Harry meets him by chance in Book Seven.
On trial for his afterlife! We love it.
size=”+2″>Sixth Place (9 entries): Assorted Prizes (House Patch Sets, HP Tattoos and Magnets)
Melissa McGlynn, 37
Dear Ms. Rowling,
M y nine-year old son Parker and I have an idea of what might happen to Sirius
Black. When Bellatrix hit him with the stunning spell, he fell through the “death”
veil, but he wasn’t dead, just stunned. If Sirius wasn’t dead, then his being
in the land of the dead is unnatural. Maybe he can be retrieved from behind
the veil. Harry, Ron, and Hermione could devise a plan to rescue Sirius by attaching
a magical rope around Harry’s waist and sending him through the shroud. As long
as Hermione and Ron hold on to the rope, Harry will be able to return to the
land of the living. Harry enters the shroud and searches the land of the dead
for Sirius. There he meets his parents who advise him to be strong and faithful
to Dumbledore. Harry grabs Sirius and pulls him back through the shroud. It
may be remeniscent of “Poltergeist”, but we are very hopeful that
Sirius can be brought back. Thank you for your amazing stories!
We received many scenarios for Sirius’ return – Melissa and Parker
actually have a viable exit strategy for our missed wizard.
Mick Hitch, 34
She’s proven a devious plotter
so when Hogwarts is her alma mater
please do the right thing
because Weasley’s our King
and make Ginny the new Mrs. Potter!
The rhyming of ‘plotter,’ ‘mater,’ and ‘potter’ was key here, as
was mentioning Weasley as royalty.
Karen Pleva, 40
Arthur Weasley will become Minister of Magic, due to his service battling
Lord Voldemort, his skills in Muggle relations, and the fact that he looks better
than Fudge in a pointy hat.
Rebecca Coffey, 15
I think that at the end of the Harry Potter series, Harry will end
up living as a wise hermit in the Forbidden Forest, after having defeated Lord
Voldemort. He’ll probably spend his days talking to snakes and squirrels. (The
snakes will respond, but the squirrels will just look at him funny.) So, am
Close enough for us to want to give you something!
Jennifer Arrington, 24
Dear J.K. Rowling (may I call you Joanne? No? Ok then.),
I offer you my humble opinion on the fate of Hogwarts most beloved professor:
Severus Snape. Now, while most HP fans hate this man with a passion one usually
bestows on a telemarketer who calls during dinner, I feel differently. Snape
is one of the most interesting and mystifying characters in the whole series.
He always seems to be walking a fine line between good guy and bad guy. Granted
the man is mean.But Id be the same way too if in school someone flipped me upside
down making me flash my Tuesday undies to the whole class when it happened to
be Friday. Cut the poor guy some slack already. I believe it’ll be revealed
thats he’s somehow related to Harry. But something happened in the family that
left James and Severus hating each other. It’s also going to be revealed that
Snape was at the Potters on the night they died and had tried but failed to
save them. I think the male voice Harry heard during a Dementor episode in book
3 was Snape not James. Snape has also been protecting Harry for years and at
some point will really show it by putting his own life in danger to save him.
I don’t believe he’ll die like some fans do. Not only because he’s far too interesting
a character to kill but also because Alan Rickman fans everywhere (myself included)
would die as well. Nope. Instead, I really think Snape will be given the DADA
job by the end of the books. Neville, who everyone believes will be the student
who becomes a professor, will take the Postions position. It would be a little
twist no one would expect and it would be a kick to know that Snape finally
got the DADA position in part thanks to Neville. On a side note: J.K Rowling
will inform us of Severus Snapes middle name (pssst…Sebastian).
Likening Snape to a telemarketer, and then giving him the last name
‘Sebastian’ won this one.
Jodi Keller, 38
After Voldy has been successfully vanquished, Albus Dumbledore will
finally retire as headmaster of Hogwarts. With his new found freedom, he will
pursue his love of music by touring the world with ZZ Top. You’ll be able
to recognize him on stage by the nice warm pair of woolly socks he’ll
be wearing (cause every girl crazy ‘bout a sharp dressed man).
We thought Dumbledore would like that fate.
Jenny Krantz, 32
Fred and George will become millionaires by marketing the cool products
they see demand for with their excellent Divination skills. They will build
an amusement park in Hogsmeade with attractions like the Swamp Maze and Pyramid
Plunder (with design consultation from Bill Weasley). The most popular game
will be Pie the Troll, where kids can toss 3 pies for a sickle at a model of
Snape (but bewitched so that when Snape see it, it looks like a troll, of course).
Most excellent Gred-and-Forge creations!
Martje Graham, 36
Lemme think. Sirius? Nope, “he will be dead and remain so throughout
the rest of the books.” Bit dull. Lupin! Yes, he will marry Tonks, and
they will have many beautiful pointy-eared children with multicoloured hair.
And if isn’t so, I’m going to be cross with you, Miss Rowling, because he deserves
We didn’t want Martje cross with us, either.
Jennifer Addley, 19
Whitley Bay, UK
Poor old Mundungus Fletcher – crushed to death by a
pile of confiscated cauldrons. Crime really doesn’t pay.
No, but this darling entry does.
Well, that’s it, everyone. The winning packages will be in the
mail shortly. We hope you enjoyed reading, and thank you to the thousands of
people who sent in entries. We will still be working on our submission to J.K.
Rowling and will have more updates on that as soon as we can.