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Funny Lists 1: You might be a Harry Potter fan if…

© Lady Stratford



Age Range

6 years old


Read for humor while guests are waiting in line or doing another activity.


Printed out list to read


Examples from Lady Stratford:
- You hear an owl in the night and think “Early Edition”.
- You park your broom in the garage.
- You fear that your unopened valentine will start yelling its contents for everyone to hear before bursting into flames.
- You camp out with 10 friends and bring one pup tent.
- You’ve looked at Ticketmaster for the Weird Sisters’ next tour.
- You think basketball would be much more exciting with three hoops on each end.
- You call your husband and ask him to be your secret keeper when your three-year-old starts to REALLY bug you.
- You chat up the snakes in your local zoo’s reptile room.
- Your bumper sticker reads “My other ride is a hippogriff.”
- You start spouting technical specs as soon as you turn down the broom aisle at Wal-Mart.
- When a man on the broom aisle opens his mouth as if to ask you something, you say “Sorry, I’m not ready to buy yet. I’m just looking today.”
- You accidentally cut yourself and then snort derisively at the mere suggestion of stitches.
- You’ve written to your elected official arguing in favor of a three coin monetary system.
- You yell “protego!” when someone throws something at you.
- You carry a pink umbrella, rain or shine.
- You’ve contributed money to Arthur Weasley’s Minister of Magic campaign.
- You’ve ever suspected someone of carrying their wand in their back pocket one time too many.
- You’ve thrown away a souvenir snow globe because it brought back too many painful memories of Sirius and the hall of prophecy.
- You’ve gotten lost and started examining your scars for help.
- You’ve asked a salesperson about the core material of a conductor’s baton.
- You know which species of bird quill you prefer as a writing instrument.
- You check to see if any of your potions ingredients are low before going shopping.
- You melt a pot during a cooking experiment gone wrong and pass it off as a thin bottomed import.
- You lie awake nights trying to think of a thirteenth use for dragon’s blood.
- You know what form your patronus takes.
- You wait for your mirror to approve your look.
- You know how to tell time on a 12 handed watch.
- You’ve ever threatened to “do a Weasley”.
- One or more of your sports stories ends with you narrowly escaping muggles in a helicopter.
- Your cat is in Slytherin, and your dog is in Hufflepuff.
- You add “Troll” to the list of languages you speak.
- You’ve ordered a Kwikspell course.
- You now gaze suspiciously at all out-of-business department stores.
- You attribute all episodes of forgetfulness to a bad run-in with a memory charm.
- You think David Copperfield isn’t too bad—for an amateur.
- You’re tempted to contact Disney animators to “set the record straight” on what mermaids really look like.

Others’ examples:
- You check the walls of train stations for secret entrences.(Geri)
- You poke pics of people trying to make them move. (mgrhpfan)
- You’ve put all your children through a sorting ceremony (Muggle Mommy)
- You tut and sigh and say “hasn’t anyone read Hogwarts: A History” when somebody gets a fact about anything wrong (angie-B)
- You call party-poopers muggles. (Geri)
- You read the books in French to get a ‘new’ experience of HP. (elfbadger)
- You stare at a locked door for hours (Muggle Mommy)
- Your house is decorated in “Early Hogwarts” (Muggle Mommy)
- You’ve taken the HP toys away from your children and hid them in your own closet. (Muggle Mommy)
- You and your friends have a birthday party every year in Harry’s honor (and decorate with an appropriate number of candles). (darastar)
- You stake out the best parking spot in front of you local bookstore on July 15th so you don’t have to waste a second to read HBP. (Starstone)
- You are despondent that Santa Claus did NOT put a wand with a phoenix feather core (any kind of wood would do) in your Christmas stocking. (Old Person)
- Your friends bribe you to shut up for an hour about HP. (Asphodel Wormwood)
- You suffer clinical depression after the death of a character. (Asphodel Wormwood)
- You get your name badge at work changed to a characters’s name, like ‘Hermione’. (Asphodel Wormwood)
- Your friends call you by that name. (Asphodel Wormwood)
- You are thinking about a happy or funny scene while you are walking through town and smile randomly and people smile back at you thinking you are being nice to them. (Asphodel Wormwood)
- You talk about HP with your therapist. (Asphodel Wormwood)
- You play with your child’s Zonko’s Joke Shop Wand more than they do. (Celtic Angel)
- You drag your kids down the Harry Potter aisle in the toy section to look at the new things. (tiddlywinks)
- When you say “Alohamora” under your breath when unlocking your car with the remote. (Anguinea)
- You go to King’s Cross on September the 1st and a tiny part of you truly expects to see a large group of children with robes and trunks. (crazypalefreak)