Frankie Franco III (FF): (in British accent) Hello, welcome to Bit by Bit. This is Frak, just kidding.
John Noe (JN): (JN and FF laugh) Ah.
Sue Upton (SU): That’s awesome! I love that. Do that! Put that in there. I love that.
JN: We are continuing this week with Chapter Thirteen.
SU: That’s awesome!
FF: (in British accent) And, look who’s here now, who wasn’t here the other minute ago, but I just apparated in with magic. (JNand SU laugh) Frak with a silly voice.
JN: So, what is the Bit of the Week, guys and gals? We have…
SU: Oh, my goodness. We’re still talking about Chapter Thirteen right, John?
FF: Ugh. This is the best part of the chapter coming up. (SU: It is.) Because of Umbridge. Ugh!
JN: What do we got up? We have…
SU: Well, Umbridge- let’s see. Ron who is Cattermole is off doing plumbing duty, fixing some leaky thing (FF laughs) and Hermione (JN: Yeah.) has been hijacked by Umbridge to go do secretarial work for her, whatever she’s doing we’re about to find out. (JN: Mm-hm.) And Harry is lurking about, and they all got separated, and at this point I believe we just had passed Thicknesse, or whatever his name was. We saw him and then (JN: Thicknesse.) he had gone in and saw the eye, the mysterious eye of Mad-Eye. And now we are here.
JN: Yeah, that’s so creepy.
SU: Uh, that was so depressing actually. And we read all the secret files on the Weasleys. That was horrible.
FF: Oh, yeah. That’s right.
JN: Yeah, that’s just invasions of all kinds of privacy.
SU: Oh, horrible.
FF: Not kosher.
JN: The Wizarding Patriot Act.
FF: (laughs) Seriously.
SU: It is.
JN: Anywho. So, what’s new for this week?
SU: Well, this week the Dementors. Harry is wandering away now. I mean he’s talked to Arthur on the elevator saying you’re being watched, being tracked, and then that ended badly. So, Harry put on his invisibility cloak and he’s off wandering through the Ministry now. And, who does he run into?
JN: He runs into his father?
SU: No! He runs into the Dementors, right?
SU: Down there. Although…
JN: (laughs) What am I talking about?
SU: I don’t know.
JN: What is this note that says he runs into his father Arky Alderton.
SU: No, no, no, no, no, no. What happens is, is that when Harry sees- They all go into this room, the hallway, and there’s all these Dementors and then you hear a man who’s- Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t write it out very well. And then there’s a man that’s being tortured, right? And he says, “No, that’s my father. (JN: Oh, that’s right.) Arky Arkerington.” And I could have sworn we’d heard that name somewhere before in the books.
JN: Arky. I love that she matches so many of the names with the first letter of the first and last names the same. It just sounds so fun to say. Arky Alderton.
FF: Like Frankie Franco?
JN: Like Frankie Francos! See, aw.
SU: Aw! Frankie for the win!
JN: Little did he know that that’s exactly what happened.
FF: (laughs) Anyway, back on track.
SU: But, that’s scary though because they’re in this room and there’s Umbridge. I mean she’s the High Inquisitor and she’s now doing her Inquisitoring.
JN: For like the whole Wizarding world.
SU: That’s horrible! Absolutely horrible. I mean she’s got this poor man who was, I mean had wizarding blood and the Dementors drag him off anyway. I mean, she’s just a horrible creature. I just, Ugh!
JN: It’s just messed up because you think we got rid of her in Phoenix, and then here she is acting like more powerful than ever. It’s like those video games when you kill the boss and then it comes back later more powerful. How many times do I have to kill you? (SU and FF: Yeah.) Like Ganon and Zelda. (SU: Yeah.) You kill them on top of the castle and then you have to come down and get them with the light arrows.
FF: I’m sorry, but the princess was in the other castle. (JN laughs) Yeah, what I really liked about this part was when he walked in the room and just how icy cold it was. He could like feel the Dementors on him even though the other guy, what’s his face was much more worth to take. It was just a much more valuable meal to them because he was in so much more distress. And then when he walked past and he sees the little- Is this when we see the Patronus, or- (SU: Well, yeah.) I don’t want to jump ahead.
SU: The Patronus is coming up because we’re in that room, that room where she’s interrogating people. And there’s a couple of Dementors in there and it’s like up on the stage and what’s keeping the Dementors at bay but a cat.
FF: Ugh. So, horrible.
JN: A tiny little cat. And I wonder how long she has the Patronus activated for, or however you say a Patronus is out of her wand or whatever. Because you’d think that would be a drain on your magic, don’t you think?
FF: Well, I think she’s in her prime. She’s in her element. She doesn’t have to focus. This is just- She’s as giddy as all can be and that’s what sustains a Patronus.
SU: I couldn’t agree more.
JN: Yeah. That’s so weird.
FF: It’s happy and so this little cat walking back and forth all with it’s little nose and butt up in the air all snotty. (SU: Yeah.) And then he walks past it and he can just feel the warmth returning to him like a curtain. And he’s like, “Ew!” It’s just- And I was telling Sue earlier is this scene in the book is what really determined what (laughs) confirms that my Patronus would not be a cat because (JN: Aw.) as everyone knows I like cats and my cat Sassy I’ve had since I was eleven and she’s on her last leg because she’s getting so old. And I figured, “Oh, she’d be my Patronus.” But then I was like, “Oh, I really like penguins.” Because me and my mom have this thing we give each other penguin gifts. It’s a long story. I’ll spare the audience. But, then when I saw this scene with the little snobby cat walking back and forth I’m like, “Nope. Uh uh. My Patronus is a penquin.” (laughs)
JN: Oh, I think you need to tell the penguin story on your blog.
FF: On my blo- (laughs) okay, I might do that.
JN: What’s your address again? I forget it. It’s like Fraco?
FF: Oh, it’s frakfraco.blogspot. So.
SU: But, isn’t it this Patronus. Here’s the thing that you normally would do to be- to emit good to save people. And here I think it is acting as a shield. A sort of a capture kind of invisible cage thing. (FF: Yeah. That’s such a good point.) And it’s being used for evil. And I just- it’s complete opposite of what I always thought the Patronus was supposed to be. (FF: That’s a good point.)It’s just a corruption of the goodness.
JN: The fact that it is a cat and the fact that we know that cats like Moochka (FF: Hey!) can be used for evil, (SU: I’m telling Melissa!) I wasn’t all together too surprised.
SU: Oh. But now, you don’t- and normally, though, the cats in the books- look at McGonagall transforms into a cat. She would never- and Crookshanks, although he’s a kneazle. (JN: Yeah.) (FF: Crookshanks is awesome.) You can argue that Mrs. Filch is pretty much- she’s…
FF: Oh, she’s not evil. She’s just annoying.
SU: Oh, Mrs. Norris! I’m sorry. Not Mrs. Filch! (laughs) I’m sorry. Mrs. Norris.
FF: Uh-oh! (JN laughs) That’s a whole other show you don’t want to- (laughs) we’ll just tiptoe around that. (laughs)
SU: That’ll be a fan fiction, there. Sorry.
JN: One day Filch decided he wasn’t satisfied with her anymore.
FF: Hey! Hey, hey, hey! (FF and SU laugh)
JN: Wizarding operation. (FF and SU laugh) The funny thing about cats had me thinking. I remembered something about somebody asked Jo once something about we always describe Ginny as being all cat-like and seeming all cat-like by the fire, or whatever. “Is there anything to that? Is she like an animagus cat?” And she was like, “That’s a very interesting question. A very interesting thing for you to ask.” And she never actually answered it. (FF: I remember that. Yeah.) But there was nothing ever to come from that, was there? (SU: No.) Ginny was nothing to do with cats.
SU: No. But…
FF: No, it was just- I remember she answered it to- someone answered it about- I think I know the person who asked that. Lisa or something like that. I’m not sure. Maybe I’m mistaken or remembering it wrong. But she said something to the degree that she just happens- she’ll- or maybe it was Snape. Okay. When people asked if Snape’s animagus would be a bat, she’s like, “No, it’s just sometimes you use certain analogies and certain descriptions for certain characters.” And I think Ginny- I think just as much as she used a bat to describe Snape a lot, I think she used a cat to describe Ginny a lot. But I was hoping she was an animagus. I really wanted one of the trio to be (JN: It’s disappointing.) an animagus. I thought Hermione was going to be. But I realize they’re everywhere.
JN: It’s a lot of work, obviously. And it’s a lot of effort to train to become an animagus. And you probably figure if they didn’t have Voldemort to fuss with (SU: Yeah.) they probably would’ve all figured out how to do it in their seventh year.
SU: Yeah, but he kind of took up their time.
JN: Yeah, what a jerk. They want to turn into animals and here’s Voldemort getting into the way of their animal fun time. (FFlaughs)
FF: Anyway, back on topic. (laughs)
JN: Well, that’s kind a bit…
SU: Well, you know what’s interesting? This next scene, though. I thought this was really another indicative of just the corruption of Umbridge, and just, ugh. Is that the locket- this is where the Horcrux comes into play. And we’ve been looking for the locket of- that Voldemort’s mother had. We learned about her in Half-Blood Prince, or I’m sorry- yeah, in Half-Blood Prince, right? And there’s- who’s sporting it but Umbridge. And she says, “Oh, it’s “S” for “Selwyn.” Heh! Not so much.
JN: Yeah. How could she be so thick? Do you think she really thought it was Selwyn?
FF: No, no. She’s just saying it’s Selwyn because she (inaudible) it. I think she just sees an old locket with an “S” on it so she’s just- it’s convenient that she has an “S” name in her bloodline.
JN: You don’t think she knew it was Slytherin and was doing it for it’s power?
FF: I don’t know if I want to give her that much credit. Because I think if the Horcrux knew that- Horcrux, it’s sentient. So, if i think if she knew it was a Horcrux, or if it was a locket I think that puts it in danger. So, I think it’s happy to remain naive, you know what I mean? Because it’s whole function is just to hide in case something else- in case it’s needed. So…
JN: Well, do you think it could give somebody- increase their power though, for evil if they were wearing a Horcrux? (FF: I don’t know. I just remember when we did the…) Think about what it did to Ron. (FF: I’m sorry. What?) Think of what it did to Ron and how it was such a negative force around people who are good.
FF: Because it wanted- it knew that it wanted to- (SU: It was (inaudible) people.) that it was on it’s death row. That’s a good point, Sue. I remember when we talked about sorting Umbridge. That was something that really made me think like maybe she may- she probably is a Slytherin. Just because that locket found a home on her chest. You know what I mean? It didn’t have to attack her as it attacked Ron. (SU: Right.) (JN: Mm-hm.) Because whether she was ambitious in the sense of wanting to be malicious with it, or she was just content with existing with it, that’s all it needs. It just needs a home. And if it’s happy to exist with her without being challenged it’s like that’s fine. That’s creepy. Ugh. (SU: It is.) (JN: Yeah.) This evil spell finds a home on her breast. It’s like ugh.
SU: Perhaps that’s what gave her the extra power for that Patronus. The staying power. I agree that it- (JN: Yeah.) but maybe it gave her force. That extra evil force to conjure it for so long.
FF: Or just…
JN: I love that idea. I love the idea that there can be things you could wear that could increase, or fine tune your magic.
FF: Yeah, I think so, because…
JN: A magical ring or a staff or a necklace or…
FF: If anything, it’s kinda like because of the necklace…
SU: Or a stick, like Moody’s stick of power. (FF laughs) Sorry. Sorry.
FF: No, that’s fine. The necklace, it’s Slytherin’s necklace, and it was all about pure blood, (SU: Yeah.) and so the fact that she’s reveling in the fact of stripping someone’s blood status away from them, and ridiculing them for not having it, is just gonna perpetuate her- You know, it’s happy, she’s happy, and Patronuses thrive on the emotion of a caster. So I would imagine that that would be…
JN: It’s interesting that it doesn’t have to be a pure form of happiness. It can be a deranged, sick form of happiness.
FF: Well, that just shows that emotions are neutral, just like magic is.
JN: Mm-hm. It’s very true. I like that. I like the way you set it up.
SU: I do, too. And I thought it was interesting too that that name- we hadn’t really learned that name, but if you remember, we learned that briefly at the end of chapter four. Because that was the Death Eater that gave Voldemort the wand when they were flying in The Battle of- I don’t know, Harry, the Seven Potters or whatever, and he was flying through the end. (JN: Oh, right. Yeah.) And it was right before he was going to get Harry, and Harry turned to look at his eyes and he has that wand he got from the Death Eater named Selwyn. (JN: That’s right.) So- And then Harry fell down because he was in the shield above the house. But, that’s how he got away. (JN: Mm-hm.) Still. It’s interesting. I like hearing all these names. But here’s Umbridge. I think that’s a lie that she’s connected to anybody famous or pure-blood family. I just think that’s…
FF: I agree with you. I think it’s just a bunch of bull. Excuse my French.
SU: No, I- It totally is. And that just shows another layer to her character that she would do that. I thought that was a nice touch of Jo to put that in like that. Just made her more despicable. A small, seemingly innocuous thing like that is actually pretty big.(FF: Seemingly innocuous.) But then, Harry starts to get- our man Harry comes to life. Pow! (FF: Yeah.) Goes up and whispers to Hermione, “I’m here behind you.” Wouldn’t that scare the pee outta you, though? (laughs)
JN: Good Lord, yeah.
FF: Yeah. Especially you’re already on edge because you’re sitting right next to Umbridge, who you- they pretty much handed over to the centaurs two years previous.
SU: Yes, exactly. Exactly. (JN: Oh, my gosh.) And then Harry gets all mad. And you know, that poor woman. And Umbridge is making fun of her family and threatening her children, and then it’s just, I mean, ugh, so…
JN: What’s that cool spell that Hermione uses?
SU: Well, she does that doubling spell, right? That- she does a switch? (JN: Yeah.) But I’m not even going to try and say it, because I’ll- Sem…
JN: It begins With the “G”?
SU: Oh! No, it’s…
FF: Wait, is- (SU: Gem…) Oh, the Gemino? (SU: Is that it?) Gemino? I don’t know. It’s g-e-m-i-n-i-o. (SU: I like that. I thought that was a slick spell.) That would be like, “Geminio.”
JN: Yeah. What do you think it could duplicate, other than lockets? What if you needed a new kidney?
FF: Nope. See, I think it’s just more of a glamour. Because it’s not an actual…
JN: (laughs) “Nope.” (All laugh)
FF: I didn’t mean that to be so aggressive. I’m so sorry. (laughs) (SU: Slam that down. “Nope.”) (All laugh) Oh, my go- I can’t have one episode without whaling at you guys. Oh, man. I’m sorry.
JN: You will die.
FF: I’m sorry. I’m going to shut up now.
JN: Can you shut up now? Come back one hour.
SU: How dare you think something could be used for a purpose like that? Nope. We’re not going to save people’s lives with spells. Nope!
JN: Well, no, that makes sense. It’s like you can say “Germino sorcerer’s stone. Hey, I’ve got two of them now. This is great!” There must be limits to what happens.
FF: Well, I imagine you would get something that looks like a sorcerer’s stone, but it wouldn’t function like a sorcerer’s stone. That’s my thing. I meant, yeah, you’d get something that’s squishy and looks like a kidney, but I doubt it’ll function as a kidney.
SU: Yeah. That’d be impossible. Because that’s why Polyjuice Potion is so difficult. To duplicate, to replicate is a difficult feat. If anybody could just utter that spell, you would do that and put yourself in Binn’s class and skip out of that there all the time. I’d never go to Binn’s class, I’d be like- As much as I love history, I wouldn’t want to sit there listening to him ramble on. No word from Trelawney’s class.
JN: Duplicate yourself. Could you imagine what wizards would do with stem cells? (SU: Oh! yeah.) Good Lord.
SU: Well, that’s a whole ‘nother thing.
JN: That’d be- They could bring back dinosaurs.
FF: “Bring back dinosaurs.” (laughs)
SU: You mean, like a magical Jurassic Park? Really? At Hogwarts? (laughs)
JN: Oh, my gosh.
FF: You mean dragons. Hello.
JN: They turn into tiny dinosaurs.
SU: Hagrid would be out of his mind with joy, wouldn’t he?
FF: Hagrid would enjoy Jurassic Park. We should show him that.
JN: Dino DNA. (SU laughs)
JN: That’s such a cool movie. (FF: Yeah.) I love that little cartoon, little DNA strand, guy whatever he was. (FF: Yeah.)Reminded me of Figment.
FF: “I’m a helix.”
JN: “I’m a helix.” (sighs) Anybody know who Figment is?
FF: Figment? (JN: Yeah.) Is that- Sounds like a rapper. “I’m Figment.”
JN: Really annoying little Disney character cartoon guy at Epcot.
FF: Oh, I’ve never been to Epcot, so…
JN: He takes you around this ride. This little purple dragon. It’s really annoying. Anyway.
SU: (laughs) Thank you for sharing.
JN: Way the hell off topic.
SU: Oh, but I like this, though! Okay, then things start to happen. They make the switcheroo, Hermione has the presence of mind to do that, and they get that Horcrux. They have it. And now…
JN: How’d they get it from Umbridge?
FF: They knock her out! (laughs)
SU: He does that, his typical (JN: Oh, that’s right.) Stupefy spell, the spell that saves everything.
FF: Yes. He was gonna do Expelliarmus, but…
JN: Wouldn’t she remember being Stupefied?
SU: Harry’s pretty limited in his…
FF: Well, she’d remember being Stupefied, but not why, because it came from an invisible source, and Hermione was still Polyjuiced, so she’ll be like, “What? W.T.F.? What just happened?”
JN: Yeah. Well, someone’s gonna get in trouble, because she’s gonna try to figure it out how the hell it happened.
FF: I would love to hear a little 800-word short story of when Umbridge discovered it was a fake locket around her neck, two days later at home. She’s like, “What?” (laughs)
JN: Ohh, yeah.
FF: That’d be a fun little story.
JN: Well, I wonder how she would ever notice.
SU: She would probably not notice! Well…
FF: I’d imagine the spell would wear off.
JN: Maybe just that she doesn’t get any more power from it anymore, maybe then she would notice.
FF: I just figured the spell would wear off eventually. It doesn’t seem as one of those spells that would last forever. This is just my…
SU: So it would just evaporate, and then one day she’d look down, and it’d be gone. There would be no necklace.
FF: Yeah, because- wait, did Hermione, I forget, did she have another locket that she zapped to duplicate, or did she just zap, and it replicated?
SU: The line reads this: “I know that, Harry, but if she wakes up, and the locket’s gone- I need to duplicate it- Geminio!” Whatever the word is, like Jiminy Cricket. “There, that should fool her.” And then Hermione came running downstairs. That’s the end. That’s all we learned about how that…
FF: See, that’s makes me even think even more so that this spell has a time limit on it, because she created something. The magic would dissipate eventually. (JN: Yeah.) Because a Sticking Charm is something else. It’s something that exists that you’re sticking to the wall, hence Permanent Sticking Charm. But I would imagine it would wear off eventually, but that’s just me, with no real grounds for that.
SU: But I like this next little sequence, though. Hermione could not do her Patronus. She was Patronus-challenged, couldn’t get that otter to come out.
FF: It’s- I like seeing that Hermione has trouble with some spells. It’s…
SU: I do, too!
JN: I got so happy when that happened.
SU: In a way it was- because here, she had just done these quick-thinking things, I was really pleased to see that, and then she faltered a little bit, just like (JN: Yeah.) you and I might do. And that was kind of cool.
JN: You know what’s funny is for the movie, Steve Kloves actually has her succeeding with the Patronus, instead of failing with it.
SU: Correct. And now we’re- (JN: Yeah, okay.) things are starting to pick up! Action’s afoot.
JN: Yep. They run into Ron.
SU: (laughs) A little wet.
FF: And that’s when his proper wife sees Ron, yes? Or no.
SU: Yes! (JN: Yeah.) Yeah, that’s so interesting, too. (FF: Yeah.) I thought that was a clever little twist, a little fun part, and they’ll have fun with the movie with that.
JN: Yeah. Ron- Polyjuiced Ron- finds his wife, (FF: Yeah, that’s when…) his wife’s like, “Ahh!” So Ron puts her in the fireplace.
FF: Harry tells them to- Harry’s able to use (JN: So she’s gone.) the fact that he’s this intimidating Death Eater type to go, “Are you questioning me? Let these people out!” And then he lets them out and tells them to pair up with people who do have wands. That’d be so…
SU: That was awesome, they saved people. (FF: Yeah.) That was really good thinking, quick thinking. They could have just hightailed it out of there, easily. They stopped (JN: Yeah.) to save these people. Not many teens- and I’m not just saying about younger people, but that shows a real presence of mind that a lot of people may not do in time of fear. Their (FF: That was perfectly said.) self-preservation did not overtake their concern for others, and I thought that was really cool. (FF: Yeah.) That was neat. And then they pop up in a toilet somewhere, don’t they? (laughs)
FF: Well, that’s when- (SU: I think I’m too far ahead.) I guess a good place to end would be- that’s when (SU: That was funny.) (JN laughs) they Apparate out, and Hermione redirects it, (JN: Oh…) then they, I guess, because someone didn’t let go of her, that’s when they can’t return back to Grimmauld Place, right?
SU: Oh, right, yes! That was unexpected, because I thought, “Okay, for sure,” because Harry was the one that Apparated them out of there, right?
FF: And then Hermione felt bad because she felt someone hold onto her, and so she had to shake him off, and then she re-Apparated them out. She took them somewhere else. And then, since they brought him into- on the foot, the porch, or patio, or whatever it is, (JN: That’s so cool.) the stoop of Grimmauld Place, since they’re Secret- they hold- (SU: Yeah.) what are they, Secret Keepers now? Is that what it’s called? They pretty much showed him, so he has access to it now.
JN: Yeah. I think so.
FF: Poor Kreacher!
JN: Yeah, it sucks.
FF: Poor Kreacher, there, making (SU: That was a…) (JN: Aw.) pot roast, or pot pie, or whatever it was.
JN: It just means it’s time to be on the move. (SU laughs)
FF: I was sad for Kreacher.
JN: Yeah, he’s all excited. (SU: Ron was…) We’ll see him again soon.
SU: Kreacher- (FF: Oh.) I like that turn of events with him, I have to say.
FF: An awesome chapter. So intense.
SU: But that was a cool chapter, right? Is that one of your favorite parts?
JN: Very cool chapter. I wanna reread it again now.
SU: (laughs) Might be good. (JN sighs) Thank you, John.
JN: Hey! No, it’s just fun, (SU: Okay.) for entertainment.
JN: Blah. All right, well, next week, we have some fun chapters (FF: And they have a Horcrux!) from into the forest, Chapter Fourteen, (SU: Yes.) good times.
SU: Well, some people- yeah, they have a Horcrux, but some people don’t like this part that’s coming up, though.
FF: They can conjure a bridge and get over it! (FF and SU laugh)
JN: Ah, they can get over it. We won’t spend too much time with it, then.
FF: Okay. Crack!
JN: Blah. All righty, well, let’s go do something fun!