Age Range

6 years old


Read for humor while guests are waiting in line or doing another activity.


Printed out list to read


Examples from Lady Stratford:

- You hear an owl in the night and think “Early Edition”.

- You park your broom in the garage.

- You fear that your unopened valentine will start yelling its contents for everyone to hear before bursting into flames.

- You camp out with 10 friends and bring one pup tent.

- You've looked at Ticketmaster for the Weird Sisters' next tour.

- You think basketball would be much more exciting with three hoops on each end.

- You call your husband and ask him to be your secret keeper when your three-year-old starts to REALLY bug you.

- You chat up the snakes in your local zoo's reptile room.

- Your bumper sticker reads “My other ride is a hippogriff.”

- You start spouting technical specs as soon as you turn down the broom aisle at Wal-Mart.

- When a man on the broom aisle opens his mouth as if to ask you something, you say “Sorry, I'm not ready to buy yet. I'm just looking today.”

- You accidentally cut yourself and then snort derisively at the mere suggestion of stitches.

- You've written to your elected official arguing in favor of a three coin monetary system.

- You yell “protego!” when someone throws something at you.

- You carry a pink umbrella, rain or shine.

- You've contributed money to Arthur Weasley's Minister of Magic campaign.

- You've ever suspected someone of carrying their wand in their back pocket one time too many.

- You've thrown away a souvenir snow globe because it brought back too many painful memories of Sirius and the hall of prophecy.

- You've gotten lost and started examining your scars for help.

- You've asked a salesperson about the core material of a conductor's baton.

- You know which species of bird quill you prefer as a writing instrument.

- You check to see if any of your potions ingredients are low before going shopping.

- You melt a pot during a cooking experiment gone wrong and pass it off as a thin bottomed import.

- You lie awake nights trying to think of a thirteenth use for dragon's blood.

- You know what form your patronus takes.

- You wait for your mirror to approve your look.

- You know how to tell time on a 12 handed watch.

- You've ever threatened to “do a Weasley”.

- One or more of your sports stories ends with you narrowly escaping muggles in a helicopter.

- Your cat is in Slytherin, and your dog is in Hufflepuff.

- You add “Troll” to the list of languages you speak.

- You've ordered a Kwikspell course.

- You now gaze suspiciously at all out-of-business department stores.

- You attribute all episodes of forgetfulness to a bad run-in with a memory charm.

- You think David Copperfield isn't too bad—for an amateur.

- You're tempted to contact Disney animators to “set the record straight” on what mermaids really look like.

Others' examples:

- You check the walls of train stations for secret entrences.(Geri)

- You poke pics of people trying to make them move. (mgrhpfan)

- You've put all your children through a sorting ceremony (Muggle Mommy)

- You tut and sigh and say “hasn't anyone read Hogwarts: A History” when somebody gets a fact about anything wrong (angie-B)

- You call party-poopers muggles. (Geri)

- You read the books in French to get a ‘new' experience of HP. (elfbadger)

- You stare at a locked door for hours (Muggle Mommy)

- Your house is decorated in “Early Hogwarts” (Muggle Mommy)

- You've taken the HP toys away from your children and hid them in your own closet. (Muggle Mommy)

- You and your friends have a birthday party every year in Harry's honor (and decorate with an appropriate number of candles). (darastar)

- You stake out the best parking spot in front of you local bookstore on July 15th so you don't have to waste a second to read HBP. (Starstone)

- You are despondent that Santa Claus did NOT put a wand with a phoenix feather core (any kind of wood would do) in your Christmas stocking. (Old Person)

- Your friends bribe you to shut up for an hour about HP. (Asphodel Wormwood)

- You suffer clinical depression after the death of a character. (Asphodel Wormwood)

- You get your name badge at work changed to a characters's name, like ‘Hermione'. (Asphodel Wormwood)

- Your friends call you by that name. (Asphodel Wormwood)

- You are thinking about a happy or funny scene while you are walking through town and smile randomly and people smile back at you thinking you are being nice to them. (Asphodel Wormwood)

- You talk about HP with your therapist. (Asphodel Wormwood)

- You play with your child's Zonko's Joke Shop Wand more than they do. (Celtic Angel)

- You drag your kids down the Harry Potter aisle in the toy section to look at the new things. (tiddlywinks)

- When you say “Alohomora” under your breath when unlocking your car with the remote. (Anguinea)

- You go to King's Cross on September the 1st and a tiny part of you truly expects to see a large group of children with robes and trunks. (crazypalefreak)

Finding Hogwarts

The Leaky Cauldron is not associated with J.K. Rowling, Warner Bros., or any of the individuals or companies associated with producing and publishing Harry Potter books and films.