The Demon in My Harry Potter Book
By Caltheous
(A.K.A. The Evil Queen)
It's been a long time since I read Laura Mallory's article "Harry Potter Case ’ Myth vs. Truth' 1 but the ideas she presents have lingered with me like the smell of an ogre. On her advice, I went on the His Voice Today website and learned many terrible things about Harry Potter. Apparently, unbeknownst to me, I got more than my money's worth from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire because, in the words of Pastor David J. Meyer (from the site), "these books were taken into homes everywhere with a real evil spirit following each copy to curse those homes." 2 As each day goes by, I am more and more sure he is correct, and the emotions this incites in me are truly as unholy as the works of J.K. Rowling.
To make matters worse, I now own all seven Harry Potter books in both the Bloomsbury and Scholastic versions. The fact that my own parents and husband (my most significant moral role models) are responsible for making these purchases for me only compounds the trauma of their demonic presence. I need not wonder if there is an evil spirit in all of the books; I know it to be true.
The Bloomsbury special edition of the series that I received last Christmas had such a severe demonic infestation that the first copy arrived damaged in transport; I have no doubts that the demons damaged the books in their attempts to escape the packaging. The red fabric case that encloses the books and the ribbon that must remain tied to keep them inside is further proof. Red is, of course, the color of blood and fire. I can only imagine what kind of magical spell was put on that ribbon to contain the beasts lurking in the pages of the books until they could be released by the poor, unsuspecting soul who purchased them. Unfortunately, it wasn't until after I had opened the ribbon that I learned about the evil I had set upon myself and my family. Truly, my days on the side of good have long been numbered. And, if you don't believe me yet, I have concrete evidence of the demon within.
My eldest son was in the womb as I read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone not once, but three times. One of those times was even aloud, so I am certain his embryonic ears heard the story. To compound the injury to his moral fiber, my husband has recently reminded me that he was reading me Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets when I was in labor (and I still contend that only demons could cause labor that painful). The impact of this early exposure to demonic influence on my son is notable. I can overlook the picky eating and refusal to make his bed, but his odd attraction to Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans (and they mean every flavor) is unacceptable to the extreme. I am certain my Bible clearly prohibits the tasting of jellybeans flavored like vomit or bogeys.
Other notable personality traits that clearly come from the Potter books include his tender adoration for kittens, the constant playing of nursery rhyme tunes on the saxophone, and his tendency to tickle me even when I'd clearly prefer not to be disturbed. I need hardly point out that cats feature prominently in the Potter books and are believed by many cultures to be demonically influenced.3 Also, the constant music reminds me of the flute used to lull Fluffy to sleep;4 it is almost as though he fears stopping for some magically-based reason. I did not, at first, associate the tickling to Harry Potter, but then I recalled how the characters in the books fail to respect adult authority on many occasions. Not only is this tickling reminiscent of Harry's disrespectful treatment of Snape, but it is also against the fifth commandment.5 Then there is the constant wand waving. Though it is true that he has yet to produce a successful spell, the instructions are all there within the books, and he is following them to the accented syllable with great care. It is only a matter of time before his eleventh birthday.
I should note, also, that I have two children. My younger son, though not the recipient of any deliberate prenatal or early childhood exposure to Harry Potter, has shown even clearer behavioral changes as a result of the evil spirit within the books. When something incredible happens, I often hear him crying out the words, "This is just like magic!"6 with a pronounced British accent. Of course, the pictures slipping unexpectedly off the refrigerator door isn't magic and my husband and I have never suggested to our children that it is. Only demonic influence could coerce a child into the world of magic and evil with such an idea. Worse than this, is the influence of the Harry Potter Puppet Pals. I am considering writing to the His Voice Today Website to warn them about exposure to the artistic creations of Potter fans, which are, in most cases, even more rife with demonic influences than the books themselves. And I suspect there is no fandom in existence that produces more creative spin off works than the Harry Potter fandom. Take, for example, one popular Harry Potter filk, Sexy Azkaban, sung to the tune of "Candyman" by Christina Aguilera:
I met him at a meeting of the Dark Lord's gang
Saw his long blond hair and how he shook his thang
Dark Mark tattoo on his lower arm
There's nothing more dangerous than a boy with charm
He had loads of cash, and a sexy (aahh)
He's a sweet sexy resident of Azkaban
A sweet sexy resident of Azkaban.7
The words are pure evil and yet somehow I can't stop myself from singing along. I do try, but the effect of these demonically-influenced "artists" is too strong for me to overcome. The number of sins referenced in just that short, seven-line verse is breathtaking. There is vanity, pride, greed, envy, and plenty of unholy lust¦ they don't call them deadly sins for nothing. I wonder, how do the "artists" sleep at night knowing that they are glorifying behaviors that can only lead to hell? Also, every single time I wander onto the YouTube website, I can't resist searching "Harry Potter' and videos like Lord Waldemart, with its pointed criticism of the Wal-Mart Superstore, are clearly un-American.8 And as I plan out my next Wizard Rock outing, flip through picture after picture of Harry Potter fan art, and read some Harry Potter fan fiction (slash and otherwise), I am leading myself, and my children farther and farther down the path of evil. Potter Puppet Pals is a prime example of this; not only can my younger son do an impressive impersonation of the puppet voice that cries, "Dumbledore!" 9 in the YouTube video, but he has been known to shout, "It's a pipe bomb!" 10 at inopportune moments (such as during preschool drop off). Perhaps it isn't worth mentioning, but the added fact that Dumbledore nearly always gets naked in the Potter Puppet Pals videos and the reality that he is, in fact, gay11 are other clear signs of the illicit influences present in the Harry Potter series. I mean, sure, all these examples of creative people having a good time might be taken as a sign of a healthy sense of humor and a love of life...but I know the truth that their fervor amounts to simple evil.
After I thought more about the issue of the Potter books it occurred to me to examine the author for the proof of dark influence within a book. Sure, it's obvious that a single welfare mom who becomes wealthier than the Queen of England smacks of a deal with the Devil, but additional thought showed me that the entire genre of fantasy is corrupt in this way. Examples of this are earth shattering. Take Christopher Paolini. He started out as a wholesome westerner, a home-schooled kid of sixteen, and somehow he produced a best-selling series of books that contains heroes who use magic ’ magic that can often go horribly wrong. I have even noted, in his recent book Brisingr, the preponderance of graphic and gratuitous violence. Then there is that Mormon author who writes about so called "good" vampires. Stephenie Meyer may seem like a good church-going woman and mother of three, but her Twilight series, with its sexual overtones and acceptance of evil beings, can do nothing good for our nation's youth. And don't forget the self-proclaimed atheist Phillip Pullman; His Dark Materials (the title alone speaks clearly the intent) is the worst of all these examples. Pullman chooses to have his characters kill God Himself. In short, unexpected success stories like these clearly add up to only one possible answer: the authors have sold their souls to the Devil.
Now is probably the perfect time for me to show you just how serious the situation has become at our home. Here is a recent family portrait.
Figure 1. The Evil Family Portrait
I have no doubt that it is the influence of the Harry Potter stories that has caused an otherwise normal family to transform to be so, well, frightening. We have renamed ourselves (from left to right): The Source of all Evil, The Evil Queen, The Prince of Darkness, and The Prince of Bones. And so, it is clear, there is evil in my Harry Potter books and it has infested my home. With all this overpowering evidence around me, I have decided that I have only two choices: either embrace evil fully or stop reading. To discuss this matter with me, you may find me holding court in Hell.
Notes
1. Mallory, His Voice Today, "GA Harry Potter Case: Myth v. Truth."
2. Meyer, His Voice Today, "A Letter from an Ex-Witch Writing About Harry Potter."
3. Hartwell, "Feline Folktails ’ Cats in Folklore and Superstition."
4. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, 275.
5. The fifth commandment is: "Honor your father and your mother."
6. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, 325. However, my son heard the quote "This is just like magic!" spoken by Lockhart in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets movie.
7. Swish and Filk, "Sexy Azkaban."
8. You Tube, "Harry Potter and the Dark Lord Waldemart."
9. You Tube, "Potter Puppet Pals in ˜The mysterious ticking noise.'"
10. Ibid.
11. The Leaky Cauldron, "J. K. Rowling at Carnegie Hall Reveals Dumbledore is Gay; Neville Marries Hannah Abbott, and Much More."
Bibliography
GodsTenLaws.com. "The Ten Commandments Listed." http://godstenlaws.com/ten-commandments/index.html (accessed January 30, 2009).
Hartwell, Sarah. "Feline Folktails’ Cats in Folklore and Superstition." Copyright 1994, 1995. http://www.messybeast.com/folktails.htm
IMSDb. "HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS screenplay by STEVEN KLOVES." http://www.imsdb.com/scripts/Harry-Potter-and-the-Chamber-of-Secrets.html (accessed January 30, 2009).
Mallory, Laura. His Voice Today. "GA Harry Potter Case - Myth v. Truth by Laura Mallory." Published on: 01/28/07 - Atlanta Journal & Constitution. http://www.hisvoicetoday.org/mythtruth.htm
Meyer, David J. His Voice Today. "A Letter From An Ex-Witch Writing About Harry Potter." http://www.hisvoicetoday.org/exwitch.htm (accessed January 30, 2009).
Meyer, Stephenie. Twilight. New York: Little, Brown and Company, 2005.
Pullman, Phillip. His Dark Materials Series. New York: Laurel-Leaf, 1995 ’ 2000.
Paolini, Christopher. Brisingr. New York: Knopf, 2008.
Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. New York: Scholastic Press, Arthur A. Levine Books, 1999.
Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. New York: Scholastic Press, Arthur A. Levine Books, 2000.
Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. New York: Scholastic Press, Arthur A. Levine Books, 1998.
Swish and Filk. "Sexy Azkaban." http://swishandfilk.com/leaky-sisters-filks/sexyazkaban (accessed January 30, 2009).
The Leaky Cauldron. "J. K. Rowling at Carnegie Hall Reveals Dumbledore is Gay; Neville Marries Hannah Abbott, and Much More." Member of the Floo Network. Dumbledore gay /2007/10/20/j-k-rowling-at-carnegie-hall-reveals-dumbledore-is-gay-neville-marries-hannah-abbott-and-scores-more (accessed January 30, 2009).
You Tube, "Harry Potter and the Dark Lord Waldemart." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=no0WqYWdH74 (accessed January 30, 2009).
You Tube, "Potter Puppet Pals in ˜The mysterious ticking noise.'" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tx1XIm6q4r4 (accessed January 30, 2009).
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